is your mom at the bar?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
