I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
