her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
