you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
