So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
