When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
