i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize