that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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