im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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