dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
