girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
