She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
