He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
