fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
