sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
