I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize