What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
