I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
