the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
