Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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