I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
