Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
