Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
