The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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