I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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