i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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