i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
