I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
