Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
be right there i have to get my cape
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
