is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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