you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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