I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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