you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
