there's paper in my vomit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
