I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
