You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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