Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
