I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
