I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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