glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
