i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
