tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
