dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
this hospital has no fireball
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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