Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
