____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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