you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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