i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
