if only i could text you this smell
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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