Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
