On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Randomize
