Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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