It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
