well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
only if we run a train.
done.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
