I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
