So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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