just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
