Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
