He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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