Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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