Need sex. Gaining weight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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