we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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