Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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