This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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