the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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