Ambien. No doubt about it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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