He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize