One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
