so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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