So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
