every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
