Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
