Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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